Parenthood Can Be Cruel

Thank you to Dyane Davis for this post:

As we begin another school year, I wanted to take an opportunity to share some thoughts I wrote down last year, the first day of Kindergarten for my oldest child. Having been an elementary teacher for several years (including Kindergarten 1 year!) , I thought I was more prepared for this monumental event. But little did I know how incredibly difficult this step into a new season of life would be. So whether you have said goodbye to your firstborn, your youngest, or are still cuddling your sweet child and wondering how long these days will last…. I hope you will enjoy these personal thoughts.

Today I must humbly apologize for the times I wondered why in the world parents had such a hard time leaving their children the first day at school when I was teaching. I thought some Moms had a hard time letting go, didn’t trust me as a teacher, or were just too attached. Today I became THAT mom.

I managed to hold my tears until I left the class, but it ripped my heart out that I had to leave my boy in tears too. Where did all the years go? I vividly remember those two pink lines on November 12, 2002 that told me I was going to be a mommy. I remember the 6 incredibly long days I was overdue with him and begging him to come out. I recall the 3 intense hours of pushing I endured, which I would gladly do over again for that moment I heard his first cry and held him close to my heart.

I also remember the times I was too tired to read "just one more story" or build "just one more airport." If I had known how quickly time would go, I would gladly go back and read that story and build that airport with my little boy as he's safe at home with me. All the regrets come flooding back as I hand him off to his teacher....

Does she know how special he is? Does she know that he knows the names of most types of fighter jets and can hit a golf ball over 100 yards? Does she know that he likes silly voices when we read stories and that he can count to 1000? Does she know that he was in children's hospital when he was 15 months old and was so sick we didn't know if he would be okay? Does she know what a gift he is to me?

All of this leads me to the conclusion that PARENTHOOD CAN BE CRUEL. You lose your heart to your children and fall completely in love with them only to have to let them go little by little for the rest of their lives. This is one of the first stages of letting go... and it hurts. But I better learn how to do it well and embrace every new season in his life so that he can become the man I know God has intended him to be.

Embracing Motherhood

Each mom reading this has a different story. Some of you are just beginning the journey, while others have been at it a while. Some are working moms, others are stay at home moms, and some of you serve in different areas of ministry. But no matter where we are at in our personal lives, we all have this in common: we share the gift of Motherhood.

Today I want to encourage each of you to embrace motherhood. It is the most amazing gift you will ever receive.

Sometimes we can get so caught up in believing the lie that our children are distracting us from more important things. When in fact, raising them is the most important thing we will ever do.

Maybe it's different for you, but when my children were young, I would occasionally get caught up in a pity party when I was stuck home changing diapers or folding what seemed like the millionth load of laundry, while my husband got to be out doing important ministry stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I have always loved being a mom. It’s what I always wanted to be when I grew up. And still, I would find myself wishing I had the freedom to be more involved in other things.

During one of those pity parties, while I was complaining to the Lord, He spoke the following truth to my heart:

He showed me that I had right there at my feet, my own little mission field, so to speak. These children were my harvest. I had these precious little lives to shape and mold. They were looking to me, not just for their physical needs to be met, but also to teach them how to love Jesus and grow up to be who they were created to be. It doesn’t mean all those other things aren’t important, it just means that being a mom is the most important calling we have.

God gave me this scripture to hang on to as a reminder through the years:

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might. 6 "These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.  7 "You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.

The Message Bible says it like this:

Deuteronomy 6:5-9 Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that's in you, love him with all you've got! Write these commandments that I've given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night.

What this tells us is that first a mother should fill her own heart with God’s word and then deliberately and diligently teach her children every minute of every day. How do we do this? We teach them through our words and our actions.

First and foremost, we should live our lives in such a way that we are a reflection of the love and character of Jesus. We should recognize and take advantage of every opportunity to teach our children what God’s word says.

I took this mandate from God seriously and looked for teaching opportunities. If one of my children had been unkind, I would teach them that the bible tells us in Ephesians 4:32 that we are to be kind to one another and that we are to forgive one another. When they disobeyed we would go to the bible and talk about Ephesians 6:1 that tells children to obey their parents…because it’s the right thing to do, etc. I also started looking for opportunities to pray with them all throughout the day, not just at bedtime. When someone got hurt we would stop and pray; every time we heard sirens, we took a minute to pray for the emergency workers and whomever it was they were going to help. I wanted them to learn that they could pray anytime. I spent time teaching them by my example to love the church and show respect to their leaders (church, school, sports, etc.). I taught them by my example that it was not okay to badmouth teachers, coaches, youth pastors or anyone else when something didn’t go their way. 

Moms, the more time we spend talking with our children about the things of God, the more likely they are to get it into their hearts. After a while, it becomes a way of life.

I encourage you to make sure you are embracing this season and not wishing it to be past, because moms, you only have such a short time to parent these little ones and before you know it you’re 47 years old and you have 3 grandsons and a granddaughter on the way. Believe me, I know ;). Like the commercial says: “Life comes at you fast.” Make sure to embrace every moment.

There is no greater place of ministry, position, or power than that of a mother.

Ah, Quiet Time

It's 4:15 p.m. and I am sitting here smelling the wonderful aroma of Homemade Chicken Noodle soup as it simmers on the stove. Since it's cold and rainy out, (and since I can't stop thinking about it since Karen's post about Chicken Noodle Soup last Friday) it just seemed like the perfect night to make a pot. 

As I was preparing it I was remembering back to a time when I had young children at my feet and how chaotic it seemed to get at this time of day. It was that transitional time of day when I was trying to make dinner, pick up the messes and have a happy, peaceful environment for the Hubs to come home to. Only thing is, it didn't always work out that way. Some days it felt more like 'kids gone wild' than the peaceful setting I was envisioning. 

I was just remembering back to a particular parenting tip I received from Suzie Anfuso, a wonderful mentor who had a great influence on my parenting. This particular tip worked wonders in our home, so I thought I would pass it along to you.

It went something like this:

When it was almost time to start dinner the kids and I would work together to pick up any messes and put away toys. Then they would each get out coloring books and crayons or books to read. They would sit on the couch reading or coloring while I was getting dinner started. The rules were that they had to stay on the couch and there was no talking or playing allowed. Just reading or coloring. The purpose of the quiet time was two-fold: 

The first is the obvious - I could get dinner started without the chaos.

The second is that I was preparing them to be able to sit quietly in church.

I don't know about you, but all too often I would get frustrated that my children were so antsy and would have such a hard time being quiet and still during church. This parenting tip was a huge revelation to me that I had to train them to be still. Yes, I really was that naive in my early days of parenting.

Let me assure you, success did not happen overnight. I think we first started with about 10 minutes and worked up from there. Eventually, over the next few months, we worked up to an hour of quiet time each afternoon. Ah, finally, the peaceful setting I envisioned. 

Do you have a tip that has helped you keep peace during the transition time? If so, just leave a comment. We'd love to hear about it.

Gotta run....soup's ready.